Hello Guys and Gals,
Well you guys I am going to explain to you why I don't have or participate in any kind of dating or whatever you want to call it. Now as you all know I am a large man. I am very down on myself. I look at other fat people and I am disgusted in them, I see all these gainers on YouTube and I am disgusted in them as well. Now I do not hate them but I am sickened by there size and the sloppiness that most of them have.
Well that same hatred that I project to the is the same I project onto myself. I am disgusted in myself and in the way I look and all that jazz. Well in saying that I am not sloppy! I do not smell like old cheese or vinegar, most of them nastys do tho.
Now I have always tried to do something about it but it is not as easy as smaller people think. ( will have a blog about what I think of smaller people later)
Now I project theses thought onto myself and I think to myself "How could anyone love me? How would anyone look at me without hating me" Now I know I have friends that don't look at these thing but new people; do they think these things.
Being like this makes me shallow I know but I am not attracted (Now I do not mean as friends I mean in a spouse way) to big people (Women)and that is also why I do not think I have the right to judge people who are not attracted to me. So I do not even pursue a relationship.
Now not to say I never want to get married or anything like that but I am not even open to letting people into my life because of my insecurities. I have to say That Yes I do like someone but I am far to ashamed to even try to presue anything because I am way to scared of being rejected because of my weight. So for now as since I am around 18 I am alone and will be alone until I am a much smaller man
Now I might never be small you say, well I might just be a hermit the rest of my life.
That is all for now people. Thanks for reading.
Peace
This is Duke Signin out.
So you may be a larger guy, but you aren't really gross like some people. For me, large isn't always an issue. My boyfriend used to be a large guy. Although, I didn't know him then, he wasn't a gross large guy either. If you really perceive yourself as gross, is there something you can try doing to change that?
ReplyDeleteI am going to sound all hallmark card like when I say that it really isn't all about the outside.
Well I am losing weight now so I am trying to do something about it. I know it is not what is on the outside but I cant help feeling that way. Thanks for the support! "Anonymous" you are awesome!
ReplyDeleteDuke,
ReplyDeleteI makes me sad to see you so down on yourself but I am not going to say "Just get over it". I understand how hard it can be to accept ourselves. Many times it is easier to accept strangers than it is to accept ourselves.
I have never had a weight issue like you do but I have always had issue with body image. It impacts me to this day.
There is no quick fix, nothing is going to get better overnight but I really believe that as you take small steps to address your weight that other parts of your life will change and opportunities will open up, if that is what you want.
There are many nice things we can associate with be part of a couple and having someone special in our life but that cannot define us as individuals.
The only thing I would ask is that you not shut yourself off until you reach the "magical size" that will make it OK to take chances with life and with people. Open yourself up to whoever comes by. You never know what the result will be.
Stay strong,
Terry